"This is my first post in a long time. There is no reason for that.

There is a quote that I have been thinking about the last few days.

"Before you tell a grieving parent to be grateful for the children they have, think about which one of yours you could live without" - anon.

I'm not a grieving parent. I am a parent, and I am grieving for a child that is not my own. I don't know how to deal with that. I have my son, I wouldn't want to be without him. Never. 

Corry past away just three months ago, but for some reason reaching this third month has been difficult for me to handle and I'm not sure why that is. The second to last post I made on here was a picture I took of him with his sister when he was a few weeks old. He died a few months after his 4th birthday.

It broke us all. There is a bit of my heart, I actually felt it break, it didn't know that would have been possible. There is a bit of my brain that hasn't quite fixed. A constant fog in my head and this last month has gotten a lot heavier.

I've grieving for my nephew but my pain has been telling me that I shouldn't, I should be strong, for my sister, in case she should depend on me. I shouldn't feel as sad as I do, what right do I have to feel so very deeply, when I am not his mother."

I started writing this post in February and couldn't even concentrate enough to finish it. The truth is that grief is like a hole, some people say with time it gets easier, but in my opinion, in time you just get further away from the you you were before you lost. Time is just a measure for you to doubt how much you should be missing.


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